Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So vagazzling was a success
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
