too bad you live with your parents still
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Drake has all the answers
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
