The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
