did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
