12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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