I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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