i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
