Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
