Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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