Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Im part way to drunk.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
