I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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