the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
