hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
