Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Randomize
