im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
