I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
