I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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