why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
soo... how was my night?
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