...so i touched it.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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