After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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