Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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