it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
