The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
