I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
