The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
