I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
