I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
