The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
