like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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