she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
