I heard we made out
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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