he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
