I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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