i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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