Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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