Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Who died my cat blue again?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
