I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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