I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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