What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
