This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
