My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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