We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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