I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
