i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
