Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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