Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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