I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
