My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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