How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
