Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
