Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
