your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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