What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
