So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
