Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
