I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
