Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
