Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
