I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
